Why be so judgemental.......

You came in and conquered my heart so you thought... I allowed you into my world with the belief that you were different but now I see you for the person that you truly are, sure you were parading around here as if you loved me, but what I believe is that you loved me for all the wrong reasons.

Your swag has your ego so far gone that you can't even recognize that I am hip to your crap. I asked you not to hurt me when we began that quest, but you could not honor my wishes and for that I have to turn and walk away. Sure some may say that I move without thinking but to remain with you will only cause both of us pain. Sure I love and I mis you but I have come to the quick realization that I can no longer be with you and I hope that you take heed to these words and do not regret me for feeling this way.

Your quickness to judge me has consumed my heart with no desire to in your presence. I have repeatedly asked that you not judge me but because you think that you are better versed in the bible I get the sense that you think that gives you the right to pass judgment on my flaws. I laugh at you and all the others that believe that I am not a strong woman and that my issues are not correctable. I am a great woman, I'm just a human being that has/is enduring pain and unfortunately I don't deal with pain the same way you do.....

So you thought....

So you thought I would crumble up and die. You thought my life revolved around you and that you were the best thing to happen to me. What you have displayed over these last couple of months has led me to believe that you think that I was so far gone mentally that it was you that was keeping me sane. I believe part of you wished that I would not be able to function without you.

I treasured parts of our relationship but you made me relinquish those memories as you progressed into the unidentifiable person. You professed to the man for me and that you would never hurt me but yet you set a plan in motion that went on for three consistent months.

Our world as we knew is now coming to and end. I hope that you and I never have bad feelings for one another but just know that where we are today is where we need to be. I wish you the best and hopefully no hard feelings.

Him

August 2010, I saw him (from behind) immediately when I walked into the store, and from the back he was oh so sexy. I glanced at him as I passed but that was it. The day that I am rushing and need to get a quick bite to eat, he walks in. Because I am amazed that I have just encountered another African American in Vegas I do not recognize him at first. But what I did note was that he was not wearing a wedding band which meant possibility.

My kids and I order our food while he is on the phone, don't worry I am still checking him out. I go sit down and he orders his food comes by and speaks to my boys but not once does he open his mouth to me. What does do is sits directly behind me with all those empty seats in this place. I made the that initial contact with him because I am so nosey and I had to ask him a question. I have been talking to him ever since that day, sure I may be infatuated with him because we are in the initial stage of our relationship, and there is no doubt that he has me feeling like a little girl, who wants to be played with.

We have great conversation and that is very important to me. Since I have been away from him these last five days he has made me feel like I am the only woman in the world, by giving me his undivided attention. Just this last week I have concluded that he is more than attractive but that he has an emotional attachement to me. I trust him, feel safe with him and can laugh with him, we have a connection that i don't want to go away. We actually in a round about way talked about who would be the first to say "I love you" first let the record reflect he has already used the word twice while referencing me, so i'm convinced he will be the first one, I told him I bet I could have him saying first. Guess who said as I sit here writing this blog, yep he did. :)

I made a promise to him that so long as he was worthy of my time, I would make him/us a priority and obligation. At this point in the game he has secured a place in my heart and I think he knows that thus the reason he may be working to touch my soul. As I told him the other day I want to thank him for wanting to be that man in my life. My heart is yours papa believe it....

Here's wishing things were different......

We met and you said you wanted to be with me, so I allowed you into my world. Was this a mistake? Should I have waited to get to know you better? Every part of my being wants to be with you but your lack of trust is telling my mind to let you go and face the world alone. Sure we may have had some wonderful moments but at some point in time it has to come to end, so I might as well be the bigger person and do what you can not and move forward without you. I will hold no animosity and I promise to speak with you should we ever encounter each other in the streets.

I wish you the best with your endeavors and know that I harbor no hard feelings, without you I would not have made it this far. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to meet your acquaintance.

Real Talk.....

Last night I wrapped up my evening with a very special person who stated they were thinkig about me today and did not want to close their eyes without speaking to me..

You say you want me to back up off you with my negativity than explain why you won't let me go? Today, I made attempts to talk you but I don't think you are that person for me. I think we have gone as far as we can as I don't believe we can get over this barrier. Your childish and immature and I will never look at you the same.

I'm ready to love again and you have taking me to be a joke for far too long. I'm about to find someone who is worthy of time and energy. I can't do this crap with you anymore. Good luck with your bullshit....

The decision to hire a black man????

March 2010, the Nevada school district began their search for a new Superintendent; yesterday a decision was made to hire Dwight Jones, former Commissioner of Education, of Colorado. Today’s news topic is “was the decision rushed” I have been following this search and believe that of the three candidates selected (one dropped out to accept a position in Florida) he was qualified and what this state needs, considering that Nevada ranks one of lowest in the country. My question now is: Do the people of Nevada beleive the decision was rushed because he his black?

Lies......

You came into my life when I needed a distraction more than anything. Only problem you never stopped lying, Why? Who am I that you felt it necessary to lie too, why am I special? You never stopped having feelings for your ex but yet you wanted me to believe differently. I said things to you that I had not mentioned to any person before and you took that information to be my weakness.

Sure I had fun with you for all of seven days and then things went to the far left because you were not a strong man in your abilities to keep things real. I may not be the best woman out there but the thing I am positive about is that I am a good woman, one that you will never ever recognize or know because of your inability to see the truth.

One love