my life and love for you.

My life is an investment, every single thing I do is for a purpose. I want to thank you babe for wanting to spend the rest of your life with me. I love you and cant wait to marry you..

2010-2011

In the early part of 2010, I cried enough because of the sadness, pain and more drama than needed, but once I separated myself from the negativity, my frown quickly turned upside right. I met someone who knew the meaning of love and respect, now known as my Snuggie. I thank God often for blessing me with love and the happiness that I have so richly desired. I know that the Lord is with me and now the devil realizes that I’m still here. The old is gone and the better is here and I am stronger, confident and more passionate. I have learned that God will let it do what it do, and through perseverance I will have that close relationship with him.

My first 48 hours into 2011, I realized I am moving into something. I plan to see God more this year than ever before, because I need him to align me with his blessings, and the ones he has prepared especially for me. This year I will: pace myself, look for new opportunities to succeed, live on purpose, and strengthen my relationship with Christ and man, through commitment, communication and sacrifice.

This year I will break out in praise because my joy will in the morning…God is with me and I know this year will be a better year, I moving into a better place strategically, putting myself on target for my own destination, by aligning my thinking with my purpose. I will be specific in my blessing according to the word, be unto my favor on every side, health and wholeness. I can no longer live in excuse, God I command order out of this disorder, I want to move on purpose.

Hey Lord...

I thank you for allowing me to have had these last couple of days to examine me and my life. I know that I have made many mistakes over the years but none have compared to the mistakes I made by not following your words. I have come to the quick realization that home is where my heart is and I think at this point in the game I can't tell where home is because my heart has not found peace and the tranquil I desire. I know every part of me hates where I reside and that has everything to do with the circumstances of my inability to believe that you led me to that place for a reason. I want what every person desires to be happy and free from the burdens that I carry from my past. Not every person is out to hurt me and because I can't recognize trust I can't find that salvation I seek. I ask you God on a daily basis to continue bless me and help me find the strength that I need but is that all I need to do? I pray, give him praise and I ask for your guidance hourly. I am not that strong individual that I pretend to be I'm only human, but you know that. I am a woman first and a mother second. I admit I can't do this anymore Lord that's why I'm writing to you at this hour, I just hope that you can decipher through all of this and give me what I so desire, that inner strength and happiness. Thank you Lord for blessing me, without you I know none of this possible.

Selfish.....

I never in a million years thought I would state that you are selfish. You are a stubborn, selfish, spiteful, and a very negative individual. You have stated you live your life according to God but yet you are so judgmental and I never could understand people like you, thus my reason for not wanting to concern myself any further. God is my juror not you. What I choose to do with my time should not be a factor that you deem a fault.

I honestly believe that you are living under false pretense and yes I failed to recognize your inabilities but believe it or not despite my ways, God is very active in my life. He has presented me with so many signs and I have for the most ignored his words but I won’t and will no longer continue down that path. I need to Love, Live and enjoy my LIFE according to God. I will no longer allow anger and ignorance to hold me hostage. I FOUND MYSELF, and the sooner you look in the mirror and see past your swag than you will be able to appreciate life and what God has in store for you.

Not all women are out to do you wrong, but you will never see that so long as you only see swag. Have a great life and enjoy her……

Distance....

There may be distance between us, 2881 miles to be exact, but I need you to know and understand that my love for has not and will never change. I gave you life, you gave me strength, hope and something to live for. In all the things that I have done in my life my most precious outcome has been your growth and development. I am proud to call you my daughter, my son and my grandson.

I know I have had to endure more than my share of sadness but my sadness never was because of your existence. I love your every being, stay blessed, be focused and know that I may be 2881 miles away but I am never to far to love you...I miss you..

Love to you!

Why be so judgemental.......

You came in and conquered my heart so you thought... I allowed you into my world with the belief that you were different but now I see you for the person that you truly are, sure you were parading around here as if you loved me, but what I believe is that you loved me for all the wrong reasons.

Your swag has your ego so far gone that you can't even recognize that I am hip to your crap. I asked you not to hurt me when we began that quest, but you could not honor my wishes and for that I have to turn and walk away. Sure some may say that I move without thinking but to remain with you will only cause both of us pain. Sure I love and I mis you but I have come to the quick realization that I can no longer be with you and I hope that you take heed to these words and do not regret me for feeling this way.

Your quickness to judge me has consumed my heart with no desire to in your presence. I have repeatedly asked that you not judge me but because you think that you are better versed in the bible I get the sense that you think that gives you the right to pass judgment on my flaws. I laugh at you and all the others that believe that I am not a strong woman and that my issues are not correctable. I am a great woman, I'm just a human being that has/is enduring pain and unfortunately I don't deal with pain the same way you do.....

So you thought....

So you thought I would crumble up and die. You thought my life revolved around you and that you were the best thing to happen to me. What you have displayed over these last couple of months has led me to believe that you think that I was so far gone mentally that it was you that was keeping me sane. I believe part of you wished that I would not be able to function without you.

I treasured parts of our relationship but you made me relinquish those memories as you progressed into the unidentifiable person. You professed to the man for me and that you would never hurt me but yet you set a plan in motion that went on for three consistent months.

Our world as we knew is now coming to and end. I hope that you and I never have bad feelings for one another but just know that where we are today is where we need to be. I wish you the best and hopefully no hard feelings.