Vegas is beautiful....

but it is not a place for a woman who seeks to divorce her husband. There are so many road blocks that have been put in place for women who seek a divorce. The free legal aid attorneys only practice limited family law/divorce proceedings, it's either you practice or you don't.

When abuse is involved whether physical or emotional the landlords do not care so long as their rent is paid. So if one wants to break a lease in order to save themself or remove themself from the situation all they can do is suggest that you leave and hope that the other party continues with the rental obligation, if they do not you are still responsible for the rent. So not only is one left trying to establish themself in a life but now they have to worry about their credit, you think since everything revolves around your credit one would want to ensure that their credit score is not impacted by non-sense, the question then becomes stay or go.

Why did I choose Vegas again?

weekend bliss.....

What a way to spend the weekend watching cartoons, eating oodles of noodles, making a homemade pound cake, having spam and eggs for breakfast about to make my first frappuchino the ultimate, but I'm not a coffee drinker but I seem to desperately want one, why?

I am looking for a...

I am looking for a job, a new outlook on life, for some positivity and my blessings.

Reality.......

So I am back from my extended birthday celebration....at home watching the tube and I stumble upon Kourtney & Khloe take Miami. I like them but can I start by asking how, when, where & why does society believe we as consumers have the need to be so heavily involved in the lives of a celebrity. Hell I believe I am a celebrity in my own right, can I get a show? I have done the stupid shit that they are grossly over paid for, hell when I was 20 I used Nair hair removal on parts unknown let's just say I will never use Nair again.

My question is why am I paying for a television subscription (DishTv) only to be subjected to REALITY BULLSHIT. Is it me or is the desert heat really starting to effect the choices I make?

A birthday celebration in Las Vegas.....

I took the week off to celebrate my birthday on the Vegas strip. I started out at a bikini bullriding contest no I wa not a participant, I had dinner at Red Lobster (my favorite is those damn cheddar biscuits)I had the lobster and shrimp meal (I am still convinced that Lobsters are just roaches I think I am done eating them, I had the best rocky road ice cream ever (Ghiradelli ice cream is way better than the other guys and a lot cheaper too, I had some yummy mango mai tai drinks what the hell is in those mai tai, talk about delicious.

I took in a couple of shows, the comedian was Kevin Burke not bad, the Rat Pack, these entertainers looked nothing like the originals, but they were entertaining, had a massage, I also had some deep fried oreos and twinkies (not good for the heart) did some gambling won some/lost some, great food, plenty of music and will end the festivities with a magic show.

I wish I could post pictures of my celebration because only in Vegas does one get to witness the owner of Virgin airlines jetski around the Bellagio, see Michael Jackson and Rick James roam the streets together, how about those Kiss impersonators and those funky boots they are wearing.

To sum up my birthday celebration I had a wonderful time in Vegas.

Reality TV Kendra.....

Kendra known as Hef's former girlfriend. Why does she have a tv series again? I watched a couple of her episodes again because nothing was on the 400 channels I have but repeats and more reality tv shows than cartoons.

So I am watching Kendra and she is so uneducated that it is not even funny. At first I thought it was just me but I was so wrong. How did she end up with Hank?

I guess what they say about blonds is true, because she is not only blond but she is a stupid young girl with money and is allowed to consume our tv airtime why?

Everyday....

Everyday I sit hope that today is the day that we go our seperate ways. I hope that I am able to laugh just because my heart is filled with happiness instead the sadness that has consumed me. I hope that I am lucky enough to encounter my knight in shining armor. I hope that I am able to complete the necessary changes in my book so that I am able to get published.

Everyday I sit in wonder why is it that I am not as strong as the woman next me. I sit and wonder what it would be like to be free of you. I sit and wonder what is going on in Boston. I sit and wonder why am I here. I sit and wonder what God has planned for me next.

I say to my God thank you for blessing me, by keeping me safe, warm and happy. But today I can not thank him for keeping me happy because I am miserable beyond belief.

So all that I ask is for everyday to have the strength to go on.

Stupidity may have been the reason...

That allowed you to enter my life, that allowed me to fall for the words that came out of your mouth, that allowed me to believe in your thoughts, that led me to the alter.

But Stupidity will no longer consume my life, I am awake and can see you for what you really are a bullshit man, an arrogrant asshole with no concept of reality, a lazy motherfucker who loves to blame others for the integrity he lacks, a mouthy dude with no real understanding of the words that come out of his mouth, an egotistical man with no real direction. How did I allow myself to be consumed by your energy, there is no compatibility between us.

You claim you are strong, but I am stronger, you claim you are smart, but I am smarter, and you claim that you fathered two boys, but I am an active parent. The difference between you and I are facts you are searcing for yourself in other people, I know who I am and do not need anyone to validate my status.

Toddlers & Tiaras....Why?

With all the television channels I have why was I drawn into Toddlers & Tiaras. The episode that I happen to watch featured a male pageant diva, what the hell are these parents thinking, why???????

This little boy name Zander took being in the pageant more serious than the little girls that participated. But the freaking mothers are a mess! His mom allows him to wear clear lip gloss and paints his nails lime green. Is she serious? she as another son who has absolutely no desire to be in pageants but her hope is that as he gets older he will be able to be the protector of Zander. Can one say psychological damage!

Do these people realize what they are doing to their children? They're women exploiting their children sexually if you will, for the possibility of winning money. They are spending ridiculous amounts of money Lexie's mom (also featured in this episode)stated they spend on an average of $10,000 per year to be in a pageant, all of this and their is no thought of how a parent might cause psychological harm to their child in the future because of the personal flaws these women are going through, fat women with self-esteem issues. Wow!

TORN...........................

The last couple of days have been hard for me part of me wants to go back to Boston desperately, but then there is that part of me that wants to reside in Vegas. I have never been this torn in my life. What to do, what to do?

When a woman's fed up...

R. Kelly said it best...

Clearly, you do not know what R. Kelly is singing about. I am done with you I am being cordial towards you because should I be any other way will block my blessings.

You want to talk I'm not interested any longer. I tried to oblige and provide you with insight that you did not have to seek on the internet but you did what you do best try to over talk me and I am not interested in your feelings or your thoughts.

when did I get cankles...

So I decided I wanted to walk on the hottest day thus far in Las Vegas 110 degrees and boy did I quickly realize that a fat girl and the heat do not make for a good situation.

Ever since my children left I decided I would walk to seek relief from some of this stress and while attempting to have some quality time alone would loose a little bit of this swollen stuff that encapsulates my bones, some may refer to the swollen stuff as fat.

Once I got out bed late in the day I took a cool shower drank plenty of water and then put a water bottle in the freezer so that I could take it with me on my walk. I go back upstairs to prepare mentally for this walk, because on this day I had planned to walk a total of 6.4 miles.

Now I am ready to go on this walk. I go to put my ankle weights on only to realize that because my ANKLES are morbidly obese commonly referred to as CANKLES I am unable to wrap the freaking’ weight around my ankle and because I am determined to use these weights I wrap them around my arms. Frustrated with my cankles I lose sight of everything else. I am preparing to leave, I am getting my IPod together and my coach front pack I place everything into and prepare to leave. I am half into this walk before I realize I have left my water bottle, damn, but I am not going back because I thought I was hydrated enough to make it to my destination and thought I would purchase some water at the store.

As I am walking, there is a breeze so I think nothing of it and continue to walk. I take off the weights and then wrap them around my front pack after walking a few blocks (since there really isn’t that many paved sidewalks in my path I am going refer to those blocks as sand corners, because my hands are starting to get real heavy.

I am still hanging in there walking with a goal in mind except the heat from the sun reflecting on my body was not on the same page. I started talking to myself over the reggae music that was blaring through my earplugs. I had to stop immediately; I was a fat girl roasting in the desert heat. I could see my arms getting darker, shit I was being cooked. I had to stop 30 minutes into the walk (1.3 miles). I called the guy that resides in my house and asked him to come get me. Upon my arrival home I turn on the television only to learn that there is an excessive heat warning in effect at 4:32p, what the hell, no wonder I was literally cooking.

I don’t understand how my fatness is going to make it in Vegas. If I walk out in this triple digit weather it is guaranteed that I at some point the desert animals will be able to feast on my remains. I guess for this summer I am going to have be content with all the swollen stuff that encapsulates my bones.

still trying to figure out what I am doing..

I'm preparing to leave your ass. I'm preparing for a future that does not include you. I know you thought it was just me talking and sure I gave you a timeline, but things changed and I need to act immediately because I can't stand the sight of you. It is very disturbing to learn that you are ear hustlin' what is the point, I will tell you what you want to know, because I believe you should have the whole truths instead of what you may assume.

You are very versed in the reason why I no longer opt to speak with you. But if you need a refresher that baby momma of yours has no boundaries when it comes to me because you have never establsihed them for some reason you think it is ok for that broad to say what she feels and dictate how you should perform in this house, you seem to have me confused with her. You have feelings for her that you won't admit to but your actions towards me project something different.

Then there is your constant reporting to your sisters as if they are coming to Nevada to whoop my ass or something, not sure how you have me confused with a woman who gives a fuck, that shit isn't going to happen anyway and we both know that but I guess it is ok to dream.

To be honest it is pointless for me to continue with you, I don't hate you but that feeling of you being my husband makes me sick to my stomach. I need to be free of your bullshit ways, and your inability to fullfil my days and nights with passion and meaningful moments.

Stop pretending we are a couple on Facebook., you don't need to get me anything or do anything for me, the only thing you can do is sign tis affidavit to release me from this lease. So if want me to speak to you sign and we can carry on as if nothing every happened, until keep up man.

Next step Family Court...

Still thinking I am not going to leave your black ass? Well the joke is on you and I am leaving with what I came with baby, almost everything in this house.
I’m no longer fazed by your manipulation. Remember I am the chick you held back with your bullshit stories and I feel good about my decision to leave your trifling ass. I have a new smile on my face because I am getting rid of my dead weight all 200 lbs of you.

I hear you telling your family and friends that things are not that bad that we can’t work it out but I think somewhere in there you have me confused with a woman who gives a f ck about making this marriage work. I am done putting forth an effort into a nigga like you.

Have a blessed day dude. I will see you when I return from the Family Law Class.

Missing my HEART & SOUL....

I missing my two boys one is my heart and the other is my soul....

My spirit....

My spirit and faith in God is stronger than the hate you have for me. You have tried to make me respond to you ignorance by threatening to lock the doors, by advising me to find another place, but you can't break me or my spirit. I'm stronger than you both mentally and emotionally.

I have a better chance of surviving this non-sense than you. Without the help of a woman you will not be able to make it in this society. You have nothing to offer a woman but sex, all women need more than that, oh I'm sorry your baby momma can live with you and the fact that you will never measure up to the standards of a child never mind a man. But she is small minded and adapts better than I ever will. She lives her life by what she accomplised materially (is that a word) you wouldn't know because you are uneducated, sure you can hold a conversation but not long because your vocabulary is not extensive "know what i'm saying" no I don't and I honestly believe you don't either that is why that is your favorite saying, your words not mine, or once realize you can't hang with the conversation you start using profanity.

I feel sorry for you and the mind that has you bound. Sure I may have issues but your issues out weigh my flaws by far. You are a jealous man, who suffers from low self-esteem, your depressed, and you look to others for validation when in fact you should not seek validation from anyone but you.

I wish you well in your current endeavors, if you haven't learned anything than let me tell you this, No one should be the reason YOU are not able to move forward in life. Stop blaming others because you are not able to meet your responsibilities in life and stop allowing people to hinder you.

I have accepted..

that you will always love her no matter what. She was there for you for 8 years, she tolerated things I would never imagine, she loved you so much she gave you a child, she allowed you to be mouthy arrogrant, and lazy, she put up with the way you treated her, she put up with your cheating ways, she fed you before feeding her child, she had sex with you while having sex with another man, she basically allowed you to take her self-esteem from her. You may have had thought you were over her and wanted better for yourself when we met but now it is so obvious that your heart, soul and energy will only be with her because she allowed you to believe that they you treated her is the a man should treat a lady, well Iam not her and will never ever question my esteem or live my life believing that you are the man for me or that this relationship has brought me happiness........

I have accepted that you long to be with her now please accept these divorce papers....